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A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes. The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?" The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

What did the judge ask when he went to the dentist? "Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?"

A sick patient asked his doctor, ''Flu?'' The doctor replied, ''No, I came on my bicycle actually!''

My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.