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A guy walks into a store and buys six jumbo boxes of condoms. The store clerk asks the man, "What are you going to do with all of those?" The guy replies, "I taught my dog to swallow them, and now he shits in little plastic baggies!"
An elderly man was on the operating table awaiting surgery to be performed by his son, a renowned surgeon. Just before they would put him under, he asked to speak to his son: "Dont be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesnt go well, if something happens to me your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
If I ever need a heart transplant, I'd want my ex's. It's never been used.
