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Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You cant do this Im a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!"
What did the judge ask when he went to the dentist? "Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?"
Ive always thought my neighbours were quite nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
Somebody said today that I'm lazy. I nearly answered him.
Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble.