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A guy walks into a store and buys six jumbo boxes of condoms. The store clerk asks the man, "What are you going to do with all of those?" The guy replies, "I taught my dog to swallow them, and now he shits in little plastic baggies!"
A woman at a golf course begins yelling, ''I've been stung by a bee!'' Her golf instructor asks her where she had been stung. ''Between the first and second hole,'' she replies. The golf instructor tells her, ''Oh, your stance is too wide.''